It’s Good Being a Man


The name on your luggage never has to be changed.
The garage is all yours.
Home Depot is your personal toy store.
Wedding and vacation plans take care of themselves.
You can be president.

You can wear a white T shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don’t give a rat’s ass if someone notices your new haircut.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one’s just too icky.
Wrinkles add character.

You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
“So, notice anything different?”
One mood, ALL the damn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars and doors.
Dry cleaners, and hair stylists don’t rob you blind
You can leave the motel bed unmade and leave the lights on.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
Your underwear costs only $8.95 for a three-pack.

You don’t have to talk to enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don’t have to clean your apartment before the maid comes.
You can watch a game with buddy for hours without a word.
You don’t mooch off other peoples desserts because you’re on a diet.

You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a screwdriver.
You don’t ever ask the way.
You are unable to live with wrinkles in your clothes.
No one gives a shit what color your roots are.

You always have something to wear.
No one notices that you wore the same suite at the last three parties.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit,
you just might become lifelong friends.
It’s good being a Man.

by Alan Wills

Select all writings of  Alan Wills

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