Wanker Crosses the Pond – Chapter 1

Coming to America

by Alan Wills

I awake with a start, not remembering where I am. A pair of red lips are by my cheek whispering something in my ear but my mind is slow to comprehend “….said I think you should cover your wife.” As the flight attendants lips move away, they are smiling a very all knowing smile. I look down and realize Nancy’s skirt is up around her waist exposing her long tanned legs and her beautiful round white bare bum. I feel my face flush, and I grab the blanket from the floor and drape it over us. Luckily most of the other passengers are asleep.  Nancy stirs and looks back over her shoulder. “Good morning Sunshine.” Her voice is soft, almost a purr. She gives me a wink and looks content. She snuggles into me.

     “Nancy, the bloody stewardess thinks we did it last night. But at least she thinks we’re married”.

“Good for her. Did she look envious?” she asks.

Christ Wills, I think, I knew it wasn’t a dream. You made love to this incredibly beautiful stranger. 

Made love, that’s a joke! I had little to do with it! Nancy just had her way with me! But if this is what American girls do in airplanes, I can’t wait to get to Los Angeles?

“Nancy, hope I wasn’t out of line last night? Being scared of flying, I drank too much!”

“You were just what I needed. Don’t worry about the stewardess. I’m sure we’re not the first couple she’s known to join the Mile High Club?”

“The what?”

“Doing it a mile above the ground.”

 “Nancy how can you be so flippant? Didn’t last night mean anything to you?”

“What did you think, my Cockney lover?  Because we screwed, we’re going steady?”

“Course not! I was just, er, er!  But ain’t you embarrassed that she knows?”

“Why are you so uptight, Alan? It’s the sixties and we are the love generation. I travel so much as sales-manager for Liberty Records, I have no time for a real relationship.”

I feel used and my mind can’t handle it. Christ, I think, she sounds just like a man. 

Realizing we are still spooning I quickly sit up. Seeing that Nancy has her eyes closed, I close mine. I drift off to sleep, but have a nightmare. I didn’t escape after all. The Mob finds me at the London airport and Luigi shoots me just as they call my flight to freedom.

My eyes fly open and I realize I am safe, and on my way to California. I drift back to sleep and my mind reflects back. I’m telling the Pan Am check-in person, I’d like a seat next to a gorgeous blonde, preferably with loads of money. Then I’m shocked to find myself seated next to Nancy. I guess she’s in her thirties. A tall, stunning, business-woman, in a powder-blue blazer with matching high heels, a white pleated skirt and a high-necked white lacy blouse. I tell her I’m twenty-three and she flips her long blonde hair back, and runs her fingers through it in a very provocative deliberate manner. During the many flight hours we eat very little, drink a lot, and flirt like crazy. The last thing I remember is Nancy turning on her side and saying goodnight. So I assumed the spoon position behind her, then with caution move closer and closer until I feel her bottom against my rock hard member. Achieving such closeness to this beauty was the ultimate conquest, and content I fell asleep.  During the night dreams and reality become confused. I feel my zipper being unzipped and my naked manhood being touched and taken out. I feel her satin panties brush my pride and joy as she pulls them down. I clench my teeth and close my eyes tight in fear I might explode. Then she guides me into her warm dampness.

Am I dreaming? Petrified by fear I don’t move, however, the undulating rhythm of her hips does it all. She reached back and touched her finger to my lips to quiet my moans just at the right time. As we drift off to sleep I think how strange it is that we hadn’t even kissed.  In fact there had been none of the prerequisites of promising to love her till death do us part, required by most English girls to get into their knickers.

Nancy nonchalantly reaches down and pulls up her satin panties, then stands and straightens her white pleated skirt. “Why don’t we switch seats, I’ve seen LA from the air a million times. I think you’ll get a kick seeing it for the first time.”

The  view out of the tiny window takes my breath away. “Wow, Nancy.  LA is larger than I ever imagined. There’s snow-capped mountains, and millions of homes spilling into the valleys, and lots of swimming pools. Your roads are wide and lined with palm trees. Your freeways look as though they’re suspended above the streets, with an endless stream of cars.” I sigh, as my words can’t keep up with my racing mind.

“Look over there.” Nancy points, her cheek now toughing mine. “We’re passing over downtown; the tall white building is City Hall. Now, look up in the hills. See the Hollywood sign: that’s Tinsel-Town where I live.”


“Now look to the horizon.  See the Pacific Ocean, and over there is Catalina Island.”

“Nancy, it’s all beyond my wildest dreams. I had no idea.”

“OK, now we’re passing over Hollywood Park, that’s a racetrack. In no time at all we’ll be on the ground.”

Walking to the baggage claim I am on cloud nine, and just can’t stop smiling. My mind goes crazy:  I’m in America, my new home. Everything looks so clean and bright. It’s March and people are tanned, wearing shorts and summer dresses. I must look like a spare prick at a wedding in my suit and heavy coat. I remove my overcoat and throw in over my arm.

“You look like the cat that just finished a big bowl of cream.” Nancy says.

“I can’t believe I’m actually in California!  It all looks so different from London.”

“Thanks a lot! Thought you looked happy because I took care of you last night?”

I look away feeling myself blush.

 Standing at the carousel, I observe the many races and nationalities that make up the throng of passengers waiting for their belongings. Realizing most of us are foreigners in this new land, I don’t feel so out of place.  Still searching the many faces trying to guess countries of origin, I’m stopped dead by a very tall stunning redhead. I can’t take my eyes off her and cannot believe she’s walking in our direction.  Her red highlighted hair bounces as she walks, as do her more than ample undulating breasts beneath her flowing, flimsy low cut dress.

Damn Wills, I think she caught us looking at her!  I look away, knowing I’m way out of her league.  But the temptation is too great, and after a few minutes, I have to sneak another peak. Where did she go?   I’m torn by mixed emotions. I know she wouldn’t be interested in a poor chap from the East End of London, but I have this burning desire to look just one more time at this exquisite, slim, well-endowed woman with flaming red hair.

“Nancy, watch my carry-on bag and coat.  I have to go pee.” I say, and push my way through the crowds looking in all directions, but with no luck.  I realize how insane my quest is, so I head back to the carousel. I’m shocked, the redhead is standing next to Nancy.

“Alan this is my sister, Audrey.  Alan is from the East End of London.”

What a cow! I think. Why did Nancy have to put the East End kiss of death on me?

“I saw you looking at me across the baggage area.”

Nice girl Wills, I think, dropped you in the shit with Nancy right away, then holds out her bloody hand like butter wouldn’t melt in her mouth!

 My old Cockney way would have been to totally deny I looked at her, dismissing her as  unmemorable. But this is a new country and a new start.  No more lies.

“Nice to meet you Audrey.” I say, and take her hand ignoring the accusation.

My eyes meet her bight green eyes. Wills, I think, isn’t evading the truth still a lie.

“Your sister told me so much about you, but she didn’t say you were so stunning!”    

 “Thank you kind Sir!  Next to my big sister, I’ve always been the ugly duckling! So Alan what brings you to the Golden State?”

Nancy beats me to an answer. “Alan’s been a naughty boy. The English police want to lock him up for bilking the public with a TV scam.  As if that’s not enough The Mob wants to fit him with cement boots and drop him in the River Thames. They made him a loan that they say he forgot to pay back. So you could say he’s in L.A. for his health.”

“Well Alan, how naughty a boy can you be?” Audrey say with a wink.

“Down sister! I invited Alan to spend a few days at our house to show him L.A.”

Audrey looks me up-and-down, and I feel like a piece of furniture she is considering for the home. “Well sis, we only have the two bedrooms.  Shall we flip a coin for him?

“Ladi..es, ladi..es, I really have to go to Glendale as my relatives are expecting me.”

“Alan, you told me you had forgotten to tell them your flight information and that you planned to call them when you arrived.” Nancy says, with the grin of a victor.

“Well then, I had better call them.  Otherwise they’ll be worried.”

“Couldn’t be you’re the one that’s worried being alone with two single women in a strange country, could it?” Audrey says as we walk out of the sliding doors into the bright sunlight.

Wills, I think as we cross the road, she could be rightMaybe you can’t trust yourself being under the same roof with these two gorgeous creatures.

 No! Maybe, I’d shag one, then head for the other’s bedroom and do the sister. Ya that’s it!  Maybe, it would be like that every night of the bloody week.

Yah, Wills, like you’re some big lover. They’d find you a skin and bones skeleton in the first week shagged to death by these two Amazon women.

Get out of my head, idiot!                                                                       

Crossing the road between these two tall, long-legged, beauties is beyond my wildest fantasies.  If only me mates could see me now.  “Do either of you ladies have a camera?”

“I have one in the car, Alan.” Audrey says pointing, “In that parking structure.”

Walking up to the car my mouth drops open, and I forget about a picture of the girls. It’s a very long shiny pale blue convertible with white upholstery.

Audrey presses a button and the convertible top opens and folds down behind the rear seat.

“Could I have your camera? Me mates will never believe the length of this car!” I say positioning the girls next to the car for the picture.

“Christ Audrey.  What a boot! You could put an English car in there,” I say snapping another picture.

“Here it’s called a trunk. The Bonnet is the hood. The windscreen is the windshield. Petrol is called gas. The pavement is the sidewalk and the road is the pavement!”

“Hold on a bloody minute! I came here because I thought they spoke bloody English!”

Nancy slides across the front bench seat. “Hop in Alan.  There’s plenty of room.” Audrey slides in behind the steering wheel and starts the engine. Within minutes we are on the 405 freeway, the bright sun on my face, and the wind blowing through my hair. It’s all like a dream, where I’m being whisked away to a magical land.  From the air I’d seen the vastness of L.A, but now on the freeway it feels more manageable.

Although I’ve never been here before, for some reason, it feels like coming home.

Once off the freeway Audrey drives us through Bel Air and Beverly Hills. I have never seen such huge homes, and each one has immaculate landscaping. A far cry from my parents eight hundred square foot terraced home in London, where I grew up; with the freezing outside toilet, where I would wank. No hot running water and no bath. Right then I decided one day I will have a big house with a gardener who will make sure all the blades of grass are facing the right way.

There are two new cars in the circular driveway of most homes, others have three or more car garages. There are no junk cars like in England. Everyone looks successful.

I ask myself, Wills, will I a poor boy from London’s East End make it here?  

We turn onto Sunset Boulevard, and I recall the TV show 77 Sunset Strip with Ed Kooky Byrnes combing his hair in the driveway. “That’s Dino’s.” I call out! The girls sneer, and I wish I hadn’t said anything, so I change the subject.

“What type of car is this Audrey?”

“It’s a 1962 Cadillac. Do you like it Alan?”

“What’s not to like! It’s a dream car.”

“Well to tell you the truth, it’s not mine! It belongs to a guy I date.”

“What does he do? Rob banks for a living?”

“He’s an almost known actor.”

My heart becomes a huge lump in my throat.  Wills, what did you expect, a girl this beautiful wouldn’t have a rich stud?

I slump down in the plush white leather seat, my eyes cast down to the blue carpet.

“You OK Alan?” Nancy asks.

“A little tired from the long flight. Someone kept me up half the bloody night.”

“Nancy you didn’t! You took advantage of this young man on the airplane?”

“Give me a break, Audrey! Do you think I’d jump someone I’d just met?”

“Sure you would, and twice on Sundays.” Audrey says with a laugh.

“Now see what you’ve started Alan!” My own sister thinks I’d drop-my-drawers in front of a whole plane full of passengers and shag a boy I hardly know!”

End of Chapter 1

By Alan Wills

Select all writings of  Alan Wills

Select biography of  Alan Wills


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